for the not-vegans

I was just enjoying the fuck out of a fudge brownie complete with weird noises and that finger-lick thing you do, and the whole time I was just like I should not be eating this, but ohmygoditisfuckinggood.

look: I tried the vegan thing once. I was like well I don’t really eat meat more than once or twice a month and it would be super easy to make the transition to vegetarianism and I need to detox anyway so I can do it for like a week and see how it goes, right?


the thing is: I just really fucking like food.

I did the research and I went grocery shopping and I got all the right food and had this let’s do this frame of mind and lasted all of three days before I found myself at Eureka! eating the biggest cheeseburger I could find and drinking a shitload of local beer.

and that’s not healthy either, you know? I mean I don’t eat terribly: since I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and after about two years of shit promised myself I would not drown myself in anti-psychotics on a daily and would not live out the rest of my days as one of these pharmaceutical company zombies, I did go mainstream with the hippie thing and got myself off the GMOs and the non-organic produce and found my second true love after writing: running. but I was raised in my teen years by a man who loves sweets more than more people love oxygen, and pizza makes me happy, and I have learned the hard way to never sacrifice what makes me happy.

I think what vegans do by eating healthy and minimizing their footprint and refusing to support the animal cruelty that is our farming industry is beautiful and inspiring and admirable, and I give them major props every day, but it’s just not for me. I think a lot of people are like that, and I think it’s important for us to find this in between that is not diabetes but it’s not I’ll never have carbs for the rest of my life either. we all eat things that we’re not supposed to eat (god knows I do) but that rationalization for things that I say is always the universe requires balance, and I think that we can apply that to our diets as well.

don’t overdo it, balance the poisons that make you happy with some good shit, and if all else fails go buy some Nikes and do your thing because…Nikes.


Allie Burke is the no-makeup-wearing, simultaneous-YA-and-Vonnegut-loving, Nike-obsessed bestselling author and acclaimed Selfie Queen of the Universe. She’s written in various forms for an indeterminable amount of time, climbing up the Amazon charts and ultimate geekery from small time book-reviewer to literary editor, until the authory culture pushed her off the bridge of artistic literature.

She now writes shit she’ll probably never publish, never shuts up about John Green, only reads books she wasn’t asked to review, and drinks coffee at all the wrong times.

She is the creator of Organic Coffee, Haphazardly.



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