diy scrubs because: fuck you cellulite

I was thinking about this recipe yesterday (I don’t remember why), and it was funny because my dude was making coffee this morning and he touched my leg and was all like oh shit sorry I think I just got coffee on your leg and I was like oh its actually good for your skin and he was like yeah I totally knew that boyfriend win!


as a hobby I mess around with random organic smell-good stuff in my kitchen, mostly skincare, but some oil, misty stuff, etcetera, etcetera. so when I took one of my besties to this hippie expo thing at the fashion district in downtown LA, this lovely woman with way too many scarves on for LA (even in the supposed winter) tried to sell me this anti-cellulite scrub that smelled amazing but not amazing enough for eighteen bucks, and I told my girl dude, I can totally make that.

so whatever: there are literally ten thousand of these recipes  in different variations available via blogs and Pinterest and yada yada yada, but I did end up whipping something together for girl gifts on Christmas (author = poor) and my other girlfriend didn’t stop talking about it for six months. she told all her friends about it and once told me that it smelled so good that she ATE some of it once before she used it on her LEGS and it tastes amazing too!!!!!! and I gave her this look that translates on paper to what. the. fuck.

anyway, though it is made of purely organic edibles that really don’t expire for years, I wouldn’t recommend that you eat it only because it’s a little strange to be eating in your shower.

the point is that I whip the shit up until I have the consistency I like (about thirty seconds), so if you’re major OCD with your making of things, stop right here. google that shit and find some blogs with some photos of measuring cups or something.

anyway get yourself a cute mason jar with a ribbon on it, or a red solo cup if you want – fuck if I care, and mix yourself up equal parts organic white sugar and organic ground coffee. throw in a couple spoonfuls of coconut oil (get the raw, vegan shit) and drizzle in a bit of olive oil. don’t be squeamish: mix it up with your (clean) hands. I love the scrub that is half brown sugar instead of white sugar because of the amazing smell, but I dig the hard, rocky consistency of the white granules, so I typically throw in a spoonful of brown sugar along with some sea salt. some people like theirs super watery or even creamy like the coconut oil, but I’m into that rough stuff because it makes you feel way clean when you rinse it off. have you ever been camping and not had any soap so you scoop up a shitload of dirt and lather your hands with it, run water over your hands and watch all the shit fall to the ground? no? well. you know, it’s kind of like that. it’s a tiny bit harsher on the skin at first (I have super sensitive skin; it turns red if you blow on it I swear), but it feels amazing. so yeah, I’d look for that wet dirt consistency. if you find it drying out over time, just add a bit more oil and boom, you get the picture.

bah-dum: no cellulite! yay!


Allison Burke, Editor and Staff Writer

Allie Burke is the no-makeup-wearing, simultaneous-YA-and-Vonnegut-loving, Nike-obsessed bestselling author and acclaimed Selfie Queen of the Universe. She’s written in various forms for an indeterminable amount of time, climbing up the Amazon charts and ultimate geekery from small time book-reviewer to literary editor, until the authory culture pushed her off the bridge of artistic literature.

She now writes shit she’ll probably never publish, never shuts up about John Green, only reads books she wasn’t asked to review, and drinks coffee at all the wrong times.

She is the creator of Organic Coffee, haphazardly. 


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