Magical Rain by Clara Martin

For my family

Welcome to my twilight world
Where everything is connected,
Cryptic messages are unfurled.
Here, things are rarely quite as they seem,
This is my reality; it is not a dream.
Conspiracy theories torment me with irrational fears
And I’ve learned that I can’t always
Trust my eyes and ears.

My angels shine bright here
Like stars in the night sky,
Sending love, hope and lifelines
To help me get by.
They always know just the right thing to say
And four-legged friends also keep my gremlins at bay
The sky cries in colours, one at a time,
As music falls like raindrops with rhythm and rhyme.

Each magical drop lands with a colourful splash.
Things meet in the water here,
There’s balance – just a flash.
Demons try to make me feel like Nobody,
They try to win –
But I’ve realised I’m not alone
Since I’ve started letting people in.
So, I follow the white rabbit
Through this upside-down world of mine
As music, art, puzzles and poetry
Help my two worlds align.

My angels appear daily,
They’re patient, logical and caring.
We have cake in MacArthur Park
As all my demons sit staring.
I try balance my brain activity, left and right,
As all this is what will
Help me make it through the night
And when the horrors of my mind
Reduce me to tears,
Love and music drown out
The tormented whispers of my fears.

Here, I travel on a horse with no name,
As a stairway to heaven
Shows me the endgame.
Things are woven so intricately,
They can’t not be real,
But my angels assure me
It’s just a twisted raw deal.
I shot the sheriff, an imaginary offense –
The rain falls louder, washing away nonsense.

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Clara has been battling depression and agoraphobia with panic disorder since she was a teenager. She was diagnosed with  Bipolar II in 2010 and Paranoid Schizophrenia in 2014 after a two year  bout of psychosis – collectively Schizoaffective Disorder.

She is an animal lover, music addict, loves math, drinks too much coffee and believes in the power of positive thinking and the value of a sense of humor.

She is currently in her final year of a degree in Softward Development and Computer Networking, having previously worked as a dog groomer.

She lives in Ireland.

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3 thoughts on “Magical Rain by Clara Martin”

  1. I really relate to this poem with its angels and demons. When I had two psychiatric relapses I felt as if a demon was possessing my brain, forcing me to kill myself. But when I had a nervous breakdown at the end of 2013 I reached out to friends inside and outside recovery and they guided me through the nervous breakdown like angels just as you say in this poem, http://bit.ly/1ER5cLY

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  2. Clara, you evoke your (and so many others’) predicament and experience so well. Thank you, and I think that on occasion your angels will help you share a little joke with the world. There are poems to write and songs to sing on another new morn. You share your long strange trip beautifully. I really enjoyed your musical references (If mine are obscure, I’ll gladly explain.), and,of course, Alice.

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  3. An excellent poem. Angels and demons indeed! I’ve just recently given my shadow or dark side a name. I call it my Scarecrow, fearsome but not as powerful and dangerous as it looks.

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