by Neesa Suncheuri

The air shakes when he yells.

It affects my inner light.

My soul begins to flicker like an
Ailing halogen bulb.
And then it sputters.
Fizzles out.
Dies.

I wish I could love him.
I wish I could agree with him all the time.
But the only way to do so is to
Remain Hush.

I do everything he asks,
But he never trusts me.

My loyalty is the stupidity of a dog.
My love is the sappy sentiment of a weak-willed woman.
My thoughts are akin to the ignorant blabber of a

Baby.
Yes, I have a child.
My womb embraces her.
She’s a beautiful girl,
And I can always feel her laughing.
She is my best friend.
And when the air shakes,
She is the anchor that keeps me still.

But he cannot hear her.
He cannot feel her growing stronger every day,
As I do.
He only sees me grow fatter,
At the fault of a girl.

…

No more laughter.

My friend is gone.

There are only now holes in

My heart, mind, soul.

All that’s left is the
Memory of a
Girl never had.

May my next be a
Superior boy,
As he wishes.

Neesa Suncheuri works as a mental health peer specialist at a housing agency in Queens, New York.  She is the founder of a Facebook discussion group for peer specialists and other recovery enthusiasts, entitled “What is Wellness?  A Mental Health Discussion Group.”  Much of her creative inspiration is rooted in her now-tamed schizophrenia.  She is a singer/songwriter, and performs in various venues in the city.  She writes poetry, maintains a blog and is currently working on a memoir.  Follow her on Twitter at @aquariumspeaks.