When Wishes Die

by Neesa Suncheuri

[TRIGGER WARNING]

Life is a war.
There are many battles, and some are lost.
Staying alive does not mean you are winning.
You are only surviving for the next battle.

Where is the enemy?
We don’t always see it.
It lives within us.
Drawing its fuel from our very
Wishes, hopes and dreams.
We are left tired and without hope,
And the enemy attacks us
With our desires.

I want to lose weight.

I want a better job.

I want friends.

Positive wishes become impossibilities, and
We are rendered weak.
Some fight the war by summoning God.
We are small, yet He is strong.
Others shut their eyes, straining to see the
Battle as an opportunity for self-betterment.

I am too tired for these options.
Such concepts are complicated.
I have only one weapon to fight against Affirmations turned inward,
A sword too heavy to wield,
Requiring confidence I do not have.

My enemy lives within me.
With every ounce of courage I have,
I will scourge myself with this sword.
It is the honorable thing to do when
The war is lost.

Neesa Suncheuri works as a mental health peer specialist at a housing agency in Queens, New York.  She is the founder of a Facebook discussion group for peer specialists and other recovery enthusiasts, entitled “What is Wellness?  A Mental Health Discussion Group.”  Much of her creative inspiration is rooted in her now-tamed schizophrenia.  She is a singer/songwriter, and performs in various venues in the city.  She writes poetry, maintains a blog and is currently working on a memoir.  Follow her on Twitter at @aquariumspeaks.

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