To me, music is life. It is breath and soul.
It speaks to me, and I hear.
But I am starting to grow deaf to the world.
The consequences of my loudening music?
I, Aurelia, am ceasing to exist.
For the music is murdering me.
Continue reading A Tangled Game of Cards by Neesa Suncheuri
Music is a talent that I have had since early childhood, having studied the violin and viola from age five through college. But it is also a terrible poison for me. When I perform with my violin, or with an electric guitar adjusted just so…I experience schizophrenia. Racing voices in my head telling me that I am a demon. That I am sinning against some deity because I’m expressing myself. That I’m using the wrong chords, specific chords that are evil. Or that my lyrics are akin to spells…satanic, backward, and reversed. My mind believes it all, and I become convinced that I am the Antichrist.
Continue reading Music: My Gift, My Poison by Neesa Suncheuri
Time: 2001, the year of eleventh grade.
Place: Office of my mental health therapist.
I’ve made a little gorilla for you.
You can place him here by the tissues.
He’s made of beeswax shaded ecru.
He’ll listen as I talk of my issues.
Continue reading The Ecru Gorilla by Neesa Suncheuri
People who suffer from mental illness are not second-class citizens. They are not jokes, they are not puns, they are not attention-seekers. Their lives are not worth any less than others’ lives and their illnesses are no different from those labelled ‘physical’, as if though the brain was not an organ as much as the heart, lungs and stomach are. But many, as if oblivious to this fact, look down on the mentally ill and exclude them; are scared of them, mistreat them, humiliate them. And I wonder, why? Why are they degraded, why are they bashed, why aren’t they listened to?
Continue reading Open Letter to Society by Catherine Stone
“Love, can you grab me some Maalox on your way home from work?”
It’s a simple enough request from my six months pregnant wife. But for a man who’s a paranoid schizophrenic this simple task brings with it a few hurdles.
I’ve been living with the disorder for about ten years now, having been on several medications and gone through lots of therapy, so these hurdles are ones I’m able to expertly maneuver. So much so that there are often times when people think I’ve been misdiagnosed.
Continue reading 5 Minutes with Schizophrenia by Kevin Nordstrom